On August 24th, 2020 I had my very first adult hospital surgery at KU Medical Hospital in Kanas City. The night before I was feeling all different kinds of emotions which usually comes when you are about to do one of the most tedious and strenuous things you could do to your spirit, mind, and body. (In my opinion) You know in your mind how your procedure is planned to go and everyone around you is encouraging you with prayers and words of affirmation… Well, all of that is very nice and does help, but as much as people can encourage you I’ll admit the biggest thing to encourage you is this… (“You don’t know until you know”) In other words things can change instantly and without even knowing it you are faced will a million new things to adjust too. (It gets more encouraging later, but let’s be honest for a minute since we are already on a sensitive topic. Medical anything isn’t fun!
This year I have learned so much about how Jesus came down fully man and He is revealing himself to me in that manner more and more to help me. One of my favorite verses is when Jesus is in the garden and “He knows what He knows” and cries out to God to take the suffering awaiting Him in just a few hours, but the most profound moment that we can all take from is the last bit of His prayer. “You will not mine” and with that, He ends his desperation. Jesus knew pain and suffering were all a part of sin trying to lead us away from Him, but to take it on in the most brutal way made it so much more relatable. That is my prayer now almost every night before a medical/hospital experience that not my will to want to quit and make it a miserable experience but that Jesus would take it and make it His will to do ministry in one of the most fearful filled places. I cannot compare my pain to Jesus but Jesus can come in and show me that although this pain is real He truly deeply knows.
I’m sure you’re wondering… What does the number 35 have to do with this?
From my understanding, I have had 30+ surgeries in my entire life. (Wait What ) (Repeat)
Today because of the new experience in a new hospital I titled it my 35th surgery and now it will always be a staple/memory in my life of a transition that God made possible. I love how God uses numbers…
(Even though I hate math!) He had many lashes across His body and He was 39.
The Rooster 3 times
The Whipping 39 time
The 3 spikes in his wrist and feet
The 1 piercing in His side
People ask me a lot of the time, “Why do you even try to keep count?” and my main response is that I can count and remember how many times God has been faithful to the very end. That they didn’t all end the way “I” wanted, but through His will not mine and that’s why I pray that prayer. Number 35 was a minor surgery, but I learned so much from it that now it’s a part of this blog.
As Covid-19 continued to spread across the globe it changes a lot of different things including! Quarantining, Covid Testing, and changing hospital policies to keep it from spreading, and that’s and surprisingly (not surprisingly) many things that happened this season for me.
1.) I needed surgery to remove stones in my bladder that my body created that were causing excruciating pain. (Not good)
2.) To have surgery you needed to make sure you didn’t have Covid which meant getting testing and getting a Negative response. (No thank you)
3.) Once your date is scheduled for your surgery you must do it alone without a parent, spouse, or friend assisting during the pre-op and recovery because prodigal says it’s too risky to bring people into a surgery ward. (Hold Up…No)
So, with all three steps, you should be good to go! (NOPE NOT ME!)
Did I mention God uses all things for a purpose? Did I mention how this all got started and how things had to be done step by step in 2020? In a numbered summary here’s my 1.2.3. step by step!
1.) Surgery Steps:
- I was in pain for months and I didn’t want to be near hospitals because of Covid.
- But God provided KU Med to help me get the right doctors and gave me peace about having the right doctors who knew what to do.
2.) Covid Finding:
- While doing the necessary test to prepare me for my surgery they found Covid spontaneously in a CT Scan of my lungs and sent me home which pushed back my surgery date.
- After that finding, I had to test in Tulsa three times in the mouth which is a gaging experience…Yuck! And thinking after following the rules of quarantining to week I’d be negative I end up testing positive a second time!
- But God showed up during those times of quarantine and revealed His goodness. He helped me draw nearer to Him and showed me that this is the time to reflect and keep these stories in mind… ( He Knew!)
3.) Surgery Day:
- Realized that for the first time in my life I would not have my parents to guide me through this experience. And that I must do it on my own with my knowledge of medical history.
- Facing my biggest fear of needles, anesthesia masks, and recovery ALONE.
- But, Wow out of all my past experiences I went in with such peace of mind. I had humor in horror, I had joy instead of dread, and my words came out full of hope that making nurses, staff, and doctors laugh on a day I should be in tears made a time of misery into a time of ministry!
Yes, I had to endure my needle but only once! (My IV specialist did it in one try!)
Yes, I had to be put to sleep but I fell asleep before the mask ever touched my face.
Yes, waking up after surgery is not pleasant and you are cold, hangry, and loopy but once I was awake I knew that my God carried me through and I can now go home and tell the story!
Don’t underestimate what God can do in a time of Vulnerability and Instability.
He Knows that when we surrender it to Him He can use it for His Will.
I am writing this to myself and to share one day with others.
I am writing this the day it just happened because God was downloading once I was awake both in my spirit, mind, and body. After all, He knew I would need the time to reflect. (12:00pm Midnight)
I know that I will have this day in my mind for a long while because God loves to pick apart a time when I was weak and He was strong and He showed up for me. Not to be pride full but to be able to remind me and say, “I was there the whole time, and look what I did for you and through you.”
(Spirit-Mind-Body)
The YMCA uses this phrase when they talk about who the YMCA is and what they focus on, and it has forever stuck in my brain when I think of my life, and now I’d use it in my belief in Christ.
(Spirit)
- (Luke 4:18) (Isaiah 61:1)
- The spirit of the Lord is with me.
- He has anointed me to proclaim the good news.
- Captives free, blind see, and freedom.
(Mind)
– (John 14:27) (Romans 15:13)
- That He reminds me of His faithfulness
- He gives me Peace
- I will not be afraid
- Filled with joy and peace
- Trust in Him
(Body)
– (Mark 5:34) (Romans 5:3-4)
- He is Healer
- He knows
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