Seemingly

The word “Seemingly” indicates how something appears or seems to be. This word is not often used in our language, but I love reading it in books. When a female character is seemingly okay with traveling to a strange place and marrying a man she has never met, she appears fine with the situation on the outside. Still, inside, she is screaming and thinks about escaping her proposal. Here’s another way of thinking of the word seemingly. Bandaid. We see a bandaid on someone, and our immediate thought is that this person got hurt somehow, but they have taken care of the situation. It could be as simple as a paper cut, although those are no joke, or it could be something so much more that we cannot see clearly, but we’ve assumed it is nothing major. The outside perspective is this girl is put together and is not seemingly phased by this bandaid, but behind that bandaid is a bruise caused by a needle pierced through her skin to draw blood and to choose what her next steps are for her health. She wishes it was just a scratch she caused, but instead, it was much more.
As I’ve undergone many medical procedures and tests, I have always wanted my outward expression and body language to appear normal. I was trying to live life as if nothing had happened two weeks ago after having an MRI or CT scan that took a lot of physical and emotional energy out of me. Putting a bandaid on my poked and prodded body was the only way to “just get it over with” most days. But when all was quiet, and I was finally home, I would look at that stupid bandaid and cry. How could this be so exhausting? How was God going to change my perspective on days like this? He gave me the picture I am using for this post in my mind. The bandaid with a flower. What?
Through the experience that caused the bandaid, there would be growth that I could not see. All I could see was right in front of me. All I could remember was the hours of strain and discomfort. All I could hear was the beeping. All I could smell was latex and alcohol wipes. How could I grow from that? It was beginning to feel seemingly hopeless to believe it could have something I could learn from.
God wasn’t ignoring the bandaid and what I had just endured but instead was helping me see past what was seemingly endless in my mind. The flower indicated that through my pain, there will be beauty, and because I have endured trials physically, I can turn my bruises into stories girls with hospital backgrounds can relate to. Most of my memories are in medical settings, and they should be miserable and memories I don’t want to speak about. It has taken years even to bring up certain ones, but through Jesus and lots of prayer asking Him what to share, it ultimately came to this. When we put on our seemingly fine faces, it ultimately hurts us because we are suffering in silence. How can we be honest with ourselves and heal completely when we cannot be honest with others?
God has been so good, and when He began to challenge me in this, the flower under the bandaid became clear again. When I am willing to open up about my medical struggles, I am not just growing in sharing my life; I am helping others understand medical things they may never have to personally struggle with. This small story could help them share it with others or have more compassion about what happens behind the scenes. Have you ever noticed that when someone sees a bandaid, they ask almost every time what happened? That question will either make you do two things. Put on your seemingly fine face or tell the truth, which could lead to growth and beauty from an experience you may have had.
You don’t have to be “just fine.”
You don’t have to cover up your medical experience.
You have a choice to be fine or free. Jesus can free you from covering up your hurts and turning them into beautiful stories that could one day inspire others to share and be honest.