When I was nine years old, I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord in my life, and so often, I get the question, “Why do you follow Jesus, especially with your disability?” When I hear that question, it makes me think of more than a response that fits the question and what they may expect; instead, I sometimes have to rethink why they are even asking. Are they asking why I trust and follow Jesus? Or are they asking why I trust and follow a God who hasn’t healed me when we read in our Bible that He is a miracle-working God?
Well, I accepted Jesus as my heavenly father for multiple reasons. Yes, I grew up in a Christian home, but ultimately, we chose to live for him. As we grow up, we must pursue a relationship with Him, learn from Him, and choose a life that will look different from the rest of the world. I’ve gotten a head start in looking at living differently from everyone else! I’m not saying it has been easy to choose Him every time, even after choosing to live for Him in my day-to-day lifestyle. It is a daily commitment that I renew daily with a simple prayer I say each morning, not knowing if these words might be more challenging to live today. “Jesus, I trust that you see me and know me. You know my every step, and I trust you are by my side.
The golden choice. This choice is the core of my being, and it never changes. Yes, I’ve been shaken and filled with disappointment, and everything in me desires true restoration and freedom from my physical struggles, but even with all these broken moments, I can’t imagine life without Him to talk to each day. When I think of someone’s possible second questioning question about following a God who hasn’t healed me, here is my golden answer that I want to encourage more people with.
Healing from Him isn’t just in the physical or at an instant moment. I know physical healing is possible, and I absolutely believe in it! The bleeding woman, the paralyzed man, the blind see, to someone’s story across the world of miraculous healing this is happening today and thousands of years ago! But what if we change our mindset to God is doing healing in me and others other than doing it in the heart and now physically? I have so many stories of God’s healing power by just people praying for me during a test that I’m anxious about. The healing may be happening internally, but the peace of my mind is also a miracle. This has been a thought I’ve been going back and forth on for years that some may or may disagree with, and that’s okay, but this was another moment I had growing up when I needed God to discern with me.
If I am not going to be healed now, years from now, or even in my lifetime, and I choose to live with my disability and believe in healing for others and over myself for different aspects of my life.
For some of my readers, this may seem challenging to hear, or you may even have to rethink for yourself or others around you that maybe healing is more profound than an instant result, but that healing goes so much more profound. Following Jesus, even in imperfect situations, is a miracle in itself, and that is where He shows His greatness. Even as I choose to follow Him, I can know that He chose me first and He doesn’t make a mistake, but He decided to give me life to help others have faith that living for Him is worth it.
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