{What if we paused and thought about our words, actions, and body language?}
When I was beginning to write this topic at first I thought it would be advocating for disabilities for simple changes such as seating in restaurants and coffee shops to bathrooms and building only having one designated kind of ramp or elevator that everyone else has to take that has children, strollers, and other kinds of needs. Let’s face it the world wants accommodations that fit them so that life can be simpler, easier, and faster, but what made me pause was what are we as the disability community doing to help those who truly don’t understand how to make those things happen for us. Sometimes we including myself can become so self-help or have an “I can do it better on my own” attitude that oftentimes makes us seem unapproachable or unaccommodating and seem very angry or bitter because we haven’t seen the change or don’t receive the change we want.
Those years of learning to advocate for me were hard and sometimes embarrassing. When I couldn’t reach for something at the grocery store or had to go all the way around to a further ramp just to get to a store I liked seemed like such extra work that others could just do so simply. When our hearts get angry, frustrated, and self-focused it begins to show in our words, actions, and body language. Did I just call all those out in me and us… yes! Here are some examples of how it affects us and the people around us.
Words:
“Words Have Power.” I’m sure many of you have heard that phrase and thought dah… of course, they do and it can be for encouragement and hope or it can be spiteful and sharp. The words we are around affect our hearts which leads to our attitude towards people closest to us and those we don’t even know. In my life, I had so many people in and out of my life that were so loving and caring that always wanted to help and I’m so grateful for their gracious and loving hearts that couldn’t be turned away because of the words that I would say in moments of frustration and devastation. The Pastors, Mentors, and loving friendships I had that surrounded me with prayer and warm embraced hugs meant the world to me even if at that moment I didn’t believe them or God that they could be doing something good. For the doctors, nurses, and physical therapists that put up with my sass and fussy heart that didn’t want to get out of bed and get better but instead sulk and be a “Debby Downer” because life was just “too hard!” The words I would say made whatever atmosphere I was in either a place of recovery or a place of hopelessness. Sometimes we need to let our words come out when there are frustrations and feelings inside we can’t let seep into our hearts. We have to get them out and what better people to do that with than those closest to us? Next, we must learn to say our words with gentleness and grace to people we don’t know. There are days when people are going to be people and they have no awareness or care of their surroundings, but this is when we get to show how God has changed us and our circumstances.
Choosing to take more time reading my Bible and purposefully reading the scripture more slowly and carefully made me realize how careful Jesus’s words were. When He spoke to the crowds He would choose words of understanding but truth. The times the pharisee would try and twist His words He would respond in not anger but with ease that helped others reflect and think about their words. One of the many characteristics of Christ is patients and the way He uses words to bring hope and love to others should inspire us to do the same instead of taking offense or feeling the need to have the last word. When choosing words of understanding and pertinence makes the world of difference whether it is right or wrong for the others around us. When we can show that we don’t need to be “extra” and can give a big smile in many different situations it shows others that we know that no one is perfect and that when it is our turn we will be even more grateful for what comes next. When we’ve learned to share our words in a healthy way our actions change next.
Actions:
“Actions Speak Louder Than Words” is another very well-known quote used by many and this one sometimes hits me harder than the previous phrase. Life has a way of making us or having us want to do certain actions that are either drawing us towards our goal or making us stray very far off the path we set for ourselves. When we make choices in any area of our lives it affects others around us and it gives me a picture of a ripple effect often we don’t see how far that effect can reach and how others perceive it. The action steps that I took to start writing about my life and how my disabilities have made a huge impact on my decisions, family, and lifestyle were not easy decisions but I had to process what I was willing to share and what actions writings and topics would have “effects or actions” that would bring both lives and at times some uncertain reactions closer to my life and others around me. When you begin opening up about real things in life people can take it in many different ways so I knew that once many of my stories were out there and some were very detailed I would have to face the reaction to my actions. The disciples of Jesus had to make choices to follow Him and be willing to leave everything else behind. Their choice lead to taking the action that would change their life forever and the family and friends around them. I can’t even imagine the pressure that must have felt like, but Jesus would never ask them or us something that we cannot handle or process. Now, this example is very big and God can have us uproot everything and have us try completely out of nowhere things, but let’s go back to the daily asking of our actions.
When we are volunteering at a social event, church retreat, and or something for work or school how are your outward actions? Do you help how you can and go a little extra by cleaning up early after the event instead of being asked? Do you allow others to offer you help and if you receive the help you do it with a smile and make the helper feel like they did the right thing by asking you instead of letting you do it by yourself? What if our actions made others feel good about going out of their way and because of the great interactions they had with us that they are more willing and begin to look out for more opportunities to help others and be aware of others? Whenever I’m in a place that isn’t super excusable and someone helps me up a ramp or reaches something for me I always make sure to thank them with a big smile and make them feel like they did something super amazing! Why Not! Even if I have to be the one who asked I do it with a smile and maybe a little joke and it breaks the ice of feeling awkward on their part and mine. When we show the action of kindness, gratitude, and sometimes a little making fun of ourselves at times it makes people around us feel like they not only helped but will remember the positive experience they had with that individual with disabilities.
Let’s be honest for a minute and pick on ourselves a little bit. Sometimes we come out into society being needy, grouchy, and a little “entitled” because we’ve had a long day or a long bad day filled with medical problems we can’t tell just anyone so it comes out in our actions which then draws people away from us. Sometimes we can be the ones that make others feel uncomfortable, and that only makes it harder on us not them. When we complain out loud about a situation that an organization didn’t think of ahead of time for us or we get to that retreat or event and we can’t do what we thought and we throw either an outward or inward fit let me tell you… IT WILL SHOW! Do not let hardship or unpreparedness rob you of what could be an opportunity to make a world of difference in that situation.
Make the most of it as best you can!
Stay engaged!
Be the person that is bigger than your situation that you can’t help and make that opportunity one with remembering for you and others because of your Can Do Attitude and Actions!
Body Language:
So we’ve talked about how our words have a way of either speaking love and encouragement or it can tare people down with despair and anger. Then we talk about how our actions can either bring a ripple effect of joy and understanding or an effect of make us take actions that hurt others and make things harder on us when it could have been an opportunity to show kindness and an openness to receive help and make others feel like they made difference. Now, we get to one that comes sometimes unconsciously because it’s a “way of life” and if you do know your body language what is it saying?
As a part-time wheelchair user, I can sit or stand in different places and when I choose to sit in my wheelchair I often think about my posture because I’m only 4.8 in height when I do stand I want to feel as tall as I can so that not only do I feel steady and looking sure of myself but to give an outward sense and look about me that says to others that I am a confident disabled single young women who choose to get out and about and is writing a blog and loves working with kids no matter how tiring and sore I feel after I come home because I’ve used all my muscles in ways I didn’t think I could move before because kids don’t care if you can play football or not they want you to chase them around anyway! That is what I want my body language to say about me when people look at me.
What does your body language say about you?
And let me say this before I continue. This is in no way about outward beauty or trying to look a certain way! This is about how you present yourself outwardly which shows who God created you to be that you have the privilege to show to the world because of the given talents, skills, and testimony you have to share. When you can paint a picture of who you are and who God sees you as do they match? Mine didn’t for a long time. For years I saw and felt like a weak little girl who only did a few things because her family did them together and I was the follower. The one who was only known for her disabilities outwardly as her “struggle in life” and who was sadly not healed. She wouldn’t have the education to get a job and couldn’t live and speak for herself. If you are hearing any of those voices either from your mind or people then those are big fat lies from the enemy who wants you to stay in a box because he doesn’t want you to do what God is calling you to do!
There are two things I see the most in the disabled community that makes me so saddened because I know there is so much more to life.
First, is that maybe once they had been willing to try new things and because of past experiences they have given up on what could be. Their body language says, “I’m tired of trying” or “It’s too hard” and their posture is weary and lifeless. From the outward expression, they are doing day by day with no passion or energy to find new things that could energize or renew that spark of imagination or desire to try.
Secondly, The posture you express outwardly is made of what others have said or diagnosed you as so that is your “title’ just like how I used to wear the title “poor unhealed girl” so my words were filled with doubt. My actions became based upon what was offered and I didn’t step out and trust the Lord with what He said I could do. Everyone’s body able and disabled tells something about that person.
Have you ever people watched before?
When you look around a room do you notice how they angle their body?
What expression is on their face?
What does your body language or expression say about you?
No matter the disability whether it be a physical or cognitive struggle you matter! Your story is like no other and God intended us to have our own story so that it can be shared and bring awareness so we can build a community to be able to say, “I GET THAT!” Whenever I see someone on social media that has a disability or I meet someone somewhere that is rolling around in confidence it makes my day! Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could go places and see that consistently and be empowered by it, and not just empowered because of our willpower or strength but because it showcases God’s beautiful creation meant to show that He has a plan for everybody type and disability? There is nothing about you that He created that disappoints Him or that He wasn’t aware of.
I title this post “Simple Changes” but that doesn’t mean it comes without work. The three words (Words, Actions, and Body Language) are something for all of us to work on if we choose to reflect on our lives and to be real with some of the things we still are questioning or haven’t thought about and now have been prompted to. I’m not writing this because I’ve mastered it or that I don’t struggle with these sometimes I do and I have to think about why I felt or dealt with that situation like that and how I could do it better. Trust me, being an enneagram four I think of all the deep feelings of each word listed above, and sometimes life just picks at us and something happens that makes us wish we didn’t have this particular struggle, but recently I’ve been fighting spirit and being able to show that God is my confidence in my words and how I write without the worry of what others think of my writings or how much I share. That God is in control of my actions and that when I can’t control all my surroundings that I can try and make the best out of it and make it meaningful for me and others around me. And that my body language expresses that yes, I have struggles and pains that I can’t control but that won’t stop me from moving forward even if there are setbacks or things I wouldn’t choose to have. Somewhere someone has these struggles or one day will have them and I have the privilege of paving the way for a hopeful life filled with words filled with joy, confident actions, and a posture of thankfulness.
(How I View Beautiful Posture)
Dancers must have great posture:
Words = Balance
Actions = Strength
Body Language = Coordination
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